Romance Languages

A heartfelt thanks to everyone who responded to my last post, whether online or in person. It really helps to know that other people are either going through the same things I am or are just willing to try to understand what's going on. I find that I still can't talk to people about it in person, so it's awesome to be able to get the support I need after reaching out online. Call it the downfall of Western society, but wireless relationships can sometimes be the most influential.

Anywho.

I find that I'm not nearly as stressed out as I "should" be right now. Yeah, I have three tests and a 8-10 page paper due this week, but somehow I'm not freaking out about it. I thought I was getting sick on Monday, but after a good dose of Airborne, a few extra hours of sleep, and some positive thinking, I feel good as new. I know that if I had been stressed out, I'd be coughing up my lungs/sneezing out my trachea/barfing up my guts right now, so let's give a hoo-ha for the mind-body connection!

But seriously, I have no idea why I'm not feeling overwhelmed at the moment. But I'm not complaining.

Something's on my mind, though, but it's not troubling me. I'll try to be very vague right now, but it seems like in the past when I thought I was being elusive, I was actually painting big red arrows to what was going on. So here's my try.

I thought I could separate my body and my mind, but I failed miserably. I told someone that I could easily do so and advised him to do the same, and now I want to say everything I never thought I would feel. I talked to Dee about this today, and just thinking about it made me want to cry. Not a sad cry, but perhaps a happy one? It was almost impossible to trace, like a three-second phone call...it was there and then it wasn't. So much time has passed since the last time I was this vulnerable, so forgive me if I'm rusty in these areas. This language tastes foreign to my tongue, my native tongue bitter.

It possesses me and I want it all the more. When do I speak up?