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11 October 2008

anonymity

I ran away this afternoon.

I haven't been myself lately. Or, rather, I haven't had a self lately. I've just been existing, trying to make meaning where I could find none, failing. This is unlike me...I usually have some idea where I'm headed but here I am, 200 miles away from where I should be, pretending everything is fine with swelling eyes, knowing that only hearts are meant to swell.

I didn't tell many people that I left, just my roommate and those I had plans with this weekend. I didn't tell anyone here that I was coming and I'm not going to. I don't consider this antisocial; rather, it is a proactive way of silencing the static.

I got a rather interesting text today - "Hello i need you here cause i feel empty." I don't know who it was and just looked up the area code (Dallas). I don't think I know anyone in Dallas who should be missing me right now, in that way. I responded and asked who it was...the (lame) response - "The past the present and the future." Later (he?) said my name but I was too creeped out to affirm that it was me and so (he?) apologized for having the wrong number. Now it's killing me - who could it have been? Was it me being safe when I didn't say it was me, or was that me, yet again, running from potential? The thing that kills me is that I know that someone gave me his number the other day and it started with a 991 after the area code and I remember saying "Dude, I bet a lot of people dial 911 on accident" like the retard I am. And now I can't remember. Fuck me with a spoon.

Anyways, that whole number thing is incredibly unimportant and poorly written, but I'm slightly (very) intrigued...and half wanting to text back the truth to find out who it is.

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