11 January 2011

fairytale lullaby

Nothing really new here, but I feel like writing. I've been spending my boring days doing not much but thinking about all the things I need to do but not doing them - mainly planning my spring break trip with my mom to visit grad schools. I'm so incredibly bummed to be missing SXSW this year. Last year was a lot of fun, but I think this semester is finally going to be the semester that I let loose and just have a damn good time.

[I edited out this paragraph because it made me sound like a problem drinker, which really isn't what I want to convey. So on to my new boo!]

He really is a darling. He's one of those people that is just so good that you don't really understand how it's possible that he hasn't been eaten up by all the bad ones out there. I know I'm biased, but I trust Rachel's sense of judgment and her long friendship with him. He's a good person, one that I'm never unsure about his true intentions or feelings, one that I know isn't just in it for himself. He's a true romantic, and it just feels oh-so-comfortable to let myself fall into it.

He makes me feel good about myself after a time when I always blamed myself for pretty much everything. I really hope I make him feel good about himself because he deserves it so much.

I think he's pretty much the only person that I feel content waiting for...physically. Not that it's just him that wants to wait - it's definitely me as well - just that we both know that it's a better idea not to get it too complicated already with sex. To those who know me well, this is probably a complete and utter shock. I've always been the one to hop on (hah!) and immediately enjoy the ride (haha!), but not this time. This time just being around him is enough, and soon enough we'll make the decision to move forward and it will be better (I hope!). Until then, no complaining from me, just simple pleasure.

Other than him, I feel like I'm holding my breath in life, just waiting for grad schools to decide whether to allow me in or not, whether to give me money or not, blahblahblah. Until then, I just have to wait, wait, and wait some more. I feel like there's not much reason to pick up a new internship, hobby, volunteer position, etc. just because what's the point when you're going to be leaving so soon? But then I think, damn, I only have class on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and only 12 hours at that, and a small research assistant position that will be over sooner than I think. So I'll probably end up volunteering somewhere, finally contributing a little back to society during these free days.

These days really are some of the last free ones I'll get. I'll be relatively free of incredibly demanding school. Free of money issues while my parents finish paying my school and living expenses for undergrad. Free of the drama of my past relationship. Free of a real job. Then after these days, after May, I'll be (hopefully) going into grad school - demanding school, taking out student loans - in debt for years to come, possibly (and this is a big question mark) figuring out how to continue this relationship - added relationship drama, and getting a job of some sort to pay for my very existence - going into the real world. These things are not very exciting for me at all.

But overall, besides these temporarily imagined stresses, I am incredibly, incredibly happy. Sure my apartment gets quite lonely at times (and even a little scary) and I feel quite restless during those times, but life is overall pretty amazing. It might be due in part to some awesome new music that I downloaded lately. Currently - Bombay Bicycle Club's album Flaws. Good stuff.