Plenty to write about, but what to choose? The obvious choice would be the election, but seeing as everyone is pretty much electioned out, I'll give it a rest. Besides, I haven't been able to take it all in yet. Watching the headlines is like watching a dream, a good dream that I don't want to stop. When the fuzziness is over, I'll write.
But now, on to the title of this blog - A Plea For Rationality. I stole the idea from an article that I read for one of my sex classes ("A Plea For Eros"), but this has basically nothing to do with that. Except the sex part.
So I've been listening to some of my friends lately on their relationship/lack of relationship issues. I'm personally in the latter grouping, so I'm biased. My apologies. Anywho, here is what I have decided:
Relationships at the college age should not be taken too seriously.
Now for the explanation.
I know a few people, all females, who believe that their boyfriends at the moment are "THE ONE"s. They plan on getting married right out of college (or sooner), plopping out a few kids, and getting that elusive American Dream. While this may be okay for some select couples (as in very select, as in very, very select), the general college population cannot handle the pressure or expectations that go along with such plans, and neither is the general population mature enough for the enormity of this decision. After all, by the time we graduate most people would have just finalized their decision on which major to choose, art history or English. Then, most recent graduates don't even know what they want to do in life or where they will someday end up. Dragging another person into your personal identity crisis is not fair to them or to you.
Furthermore, college kids need to give each other the freedom to choose. It's difficult enough to decide what I'm going to do over summer break by myself, let alone with someone else. Do you move to their hometown for the break? Do you try for internships in the same city? Do both of you just do nothing? Or must one person sacrifice?
In my experience, I have always seen one person sacrifice. Then, given the chances that the relationship will actually "succeed," that person has thrown away any golden opportunities they may have had. And the other person gets away unscathed. Talk about love.
Speaking of love, this is not a call to end romance. I believe in romance just as I believe in love. Fall in love with whomever your body's chemicals tell you to fall in love with. But be responsible. At this age, it is not selfish to put yourself first. Plan your lives separately - if you end up being able to reconcile those lives without major sacrifices, you win. If not, you can still win...with someone else. You can love many people throughout your life and, for all that is good and holy, do not settle for your first boyfriend/girlfriend. That's buying without browsing.
I'm not necessarily speaking of ending all kinds of relationships either. Have a significant other if you wish. But I think the best arrangement, for most college students, is the whole "special friend" kind of thing. You have the benefits and maybe even some of the emotion without the trickiness of heartache and the intrigue of a formal relationship. This won't work for everyone, so don't give me shit, but I see it as the ideal.
And, finally, no one needs a relationship. I know I may seem like a hypocrite, what with all of my bitching about wanting a boyfriend/special friend, but most of this is just idle talk. Relationships bring a lot of baggage. You worry if you made the wrong impression when you said you prefer hummus over bean dip. You feel hurt when s/he says that their past partner gave great head. You feel as if you're putting more into the relationship than the other person. This can all be avoided simply by abstaining from a formalized relationship.
Now, there are some benefits to having a significant other. You always have someone to hang out with. You get your "needs" fulfilled on a regular basis (although this is perfectly possibly for the more attractive of us to do without a relationship). You form a deep bond with someone else and feel understood. You are always wanted. Until you start fighting. Then it gets fun.
My argument against these said benefits is that any truly deep relationship can give you this, i.e. a best friend. Well, maybe not the sex part (unless your friends with benefits), but that's what God created masturbation for. Best friends are cool to have too because you don't have to shape your life around them. If your lives lead you in the same direction, yay! And if not, you will always have the memory. That is love.
I know a few people, all females, who believe that their boyfriends at the moment are "THE ONE"s. They plan on getting married right out of college (or sooner), plopping out a few kids, and getting that elusive American Dream. While this may be okay for some select couples (as in very select, as in very, very select), the general college population cannot handle the pressure or expectations that go along with such plans, and neither is the general population mature enough for the enormity of this decision. After all, by the time we graduate most people would have just finalized their decision on which major to choose, art history or English. Then, most recent graduates don't even know what they want to do in life or where they will someday end up. Dragging another person into your personal identity crisis is not fair to them or to you.
Furthermore, college kids need to give each other the freedom to choose. It's difficult enough to decide what I'm going to do over summer break by myself, let alone with someone else. Do you move to their hometown for the break? Do you try for internships in the same city? Do both of you just do nothing? Or must one person sacrifice?
In my experience, I have always seen one person sacrifice. Then, given the chances that the relationship will actually "succeed," that person has thrown away any golden opportunities they may have had. And the other person gets away unscathed. Talk about love.
Speaking of love, this is not a call to end romance. I believe in romance just as I believe in love. Fall in love with whomever your body's chemicals tell you to fall in love with. But be responsible. At this age, it is not selfish to put yourself first. Plan your lives separately - if you end up being able to reconcile those lives without major sacrifices, you win. If not, you can still win...with someone else. You can love many people throughout your life and, for all that is good and holy, do not settle for your first boyfriend/girlfriend. That's buying without browsing.
I'm not necessarily speaking of ending all kinds of relationships either. Have a significant other if you wish. But I think the best arrangement, for most college students, is the whole "special friend" kind of thing. You have the benefits and maybe even some of the emotion without the trickiness of heartache and the intrigue of a formal relationship. This won't work for everyone, so don't give me shit, but I see it as the ideal.
And, finally, no one needs a relationship. I know I may seem like a hypocrite, what with all of my bitching about wanting a boyfriend/special friend, but most of this is just idle talk. Relationships bring a lot of baggage. You worry if you made the wrong impression when you said you prefer hummus over bean dip. You feel hurt when s/he says that their past partner gave great head. You feel as if you're putting more into the relationship than the other person. This can all be avoided simply by abstaining from a formalized relationship.
Now, there are some benefits to having a significant other. You always have someone to hang out with. You get your "needs" fulfilled on a regular basis (although this is perfectly possibly for the more attractive of us to do without a relationship). You form a deep bond with someone else and feel understood. You are always wanted. Until you start fighting. Then it gets fun.
My argument against these said benefits is that any truly deep relationship can give you this, i.e. a best friend. Well, maybe not the sex part (unless your friends with benefits), but that's what God created masturbation for. Best friends are cool to have too because you don't have to shape your life around them. If your lives lead you in the same direction, yay! And if not, you will always have the memory. That is love.
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